Friday, December 23, 2011

Happiness is not that hard after all (1/3/2011)

Infectious laughter
moon-shaped smiles
bubbles of joy
fill the being

Heartfelt talks
little confessions
tug at heartstrings
open the heart

Glances,stares
little windows
beyond the glass
beauty lies within

Warm sunshine
little dreams
put them together
they do embrace

Finding joy
daily happiness
is not as
hard after all

***
(p.s: the date is correct because I only found this after I have compiled the rest =/ everything else is in chronological order though!)

Realm of impossibilities (16/12/2011)

In the realm of impossibilities,the sun shines down.
The hair turns as red as her face.
Many snapshots.
Together.

In the realm of impossibilities, the sands are as real as they get.
The eyes reflect the gold of the dust on her arms.
Felt warmth.
Together.

In the realm of impossibilities, the trees sway to the rhythm of the winds.
The cheeks curved up alongside the corners of her mouth.
Smiling, grinning.
Together.

In the realm of impossibilities, the face was blurred and forgotten.
The heart embraced her soul.
Lost, found.
Together.

It's gonna be my day (I hope) (13/12/2011)

It's just another day
Late morning, late night
The mind's a blank.

Four days straight
And my inner compass
Has stopped working.

Sucked in routine
Endless patterns and predictability-
I'm bored.

Art after art
video after video
only itches the soul in the body in the house.

Tried doodling
tried to be abstract-
nothing good has really surfaced thus far.

After four days straight
and my inner compass
tries to move again.

Tomorrow will be another day
Late morning, late night
But it's gonna be my day (I hope).

Beyond expectations (13/12/2011)

We can always blame others;
anything and anybody that exist
outside our hearts.
Circumstances can be the cause
the origin, the only source
leading to the birth of Misery.

Things have been set in stone and giant boulders
engraved with the word:
Expectations.
They bleed darkness on the grounds
it would suffice that
we bathe in them and not get out ever.

Then there are the mountains
where over millions of years
they continue to grow.
Have you ever tried building sandcastles
with your bare hands
and nothing else?

When a small pile comes up
we yearn to build mountains
and beautiful castles for the birds to rest in.
Then the waves come crashing
the piercing sounds of the seagulls
and all is back to what it has always been.

The mountains
millions of years in age
beckons to us to catch up with them.
We try to-
scooping up the golden dust furiously
only to have the winds and waves reduce them to dust once more.

And then the wind whispers in our ears
with the ebb and flow of the tides providing rhythm
and the birds and laughter giving notes to music
"Isn't it as lovely
to be as flat as the ground
to be what we truly are?"

Once people understand that
they learn to contend with
feeling the sands in their hands.
Others still want to build sandcastles
but they would construct them
according to their realms of imagination.

We don't need to be mountains
we don't have to drown in the overwhelming darkness
of the stones and boulders.
We don't have to blame circumstances
and any other being/thing in this world
for what we are.

It is as lovely
to embrace ourselves
and be who we want to be.

Why? (8/12/2011) #lyrics

I try to understand why such dreams recur
why do we hold such memories-
is it worth it to keep things that only now belong to us alone?

I try to understand why such dreams recur
why my hair was the exact red I have now-
am I the only one still hanging on?

I try to understand why such dreams recur
why the landscape was so beautiful
the scenes adorned with pastel shades
only to know that
we're just not meant to be?

Yes I know
things werent meant to be
I dont blame the heavens for things as they are
But I really try to understand
why do you still live on in my heart?

Why do you still live on in my heart?

Why?

I try to understand why you keep coming back
a disturbing leitmotif that haunts from behind-
can I ever live without you on my mind?

I try to understand why such dreams recur
why my hair reflected the redness of my heart-
am I the only one suffering?

I try to understand
why does it have to be you?

Yes I know
things werent meant to be
I dont blame the heavens for things as they are
But I really try to understand
why do you still live on in my heart?

Why do you still live on in my heart?

Why?

Oh why, why, why...

Poor me (and my heart) (3/12/2011) #lyrics

Hey
that picture we took?
Yeah, that one
what's with your head
resting on mine

You
what's on your mind?
The smiles, the distance
push and pull

Warmth
you bring me warmth
yet there were days
where I'm left all cold
and neglected

Yet
there's only you
on my mind
in my heart

Oh~
what's with you
what's with me
what's with us?

No~
you're confusing me
Only me
poor me
(and my heart)

Hey
that picture we took?
I remember
the warmth of your head
on mine

You
are truly a mystery
full of shadows
with rays of light
(where do they come from?)

Warmth
you radiate warmth
from the smiles
the jokes, the laughter
and just you

Yes
there's only you
on my mind
in my heart and soul

Oh~
what's with you
what's with me
what's with us?

No~
you're confusing me
only me I guess
poor me
(and my heart)
Oh...

I need a tune (3/12/2011) #lyrics

You know
I've always found it hard
to write a song
to capture the world in just a tune

But you're always giving me
a reason to sing
from night to dawn
you captivate my world

And now I'm trying
to write a tune
a tune, a tune
I'll use the sounds of the world
to express the unexpressed

Do I love you?
Well, I really don't know man
but that doesn't stop me
from finding that tune
I think you need to hear what I can't say

Do I love you?
Oh, do I?
Do I not?
Well, I really don't know man
can you just try to find my
innermost desire
in just a tune?

Do I love you?
Can you hear me?
What am I saying?
Do I really know what I'm saying
much less thinking?

I need to capture my world in a tune
the one you've captivated;
I need to find a tune
a tune, a tune
to express the unexpressed.

Do I love you?
Can you hear me?
I really don't know man
I just need to find that tune
that tune, that tune
and know what my heart desires.

Like the Sun (28/11/2011)

We used to think that
there is only one such sun
One such celestial being
capable of bringing us life and hope-
we seem to be at its mercy.

Till I realise then that
even though it shines brilliantly
right until the apocalypse, the end of time
light can never fully penetrate our being
if we refuse to shine on our own.

I pray for the light in our hearts to come forth
for the mirrors of our lives to reflect radiantly
our cheerful dispositions, healthy countenances
I pray for us to be like
little balls of sun here.

I understand that we have to
find our own light
to make it through the night
to illuminate our own lives
and the lives of others.

I pray that everyday
we learn to glow brighter
despite the torrent of rain, the dark clouds
darkness, winter...
May adversity only makes us stronger
and that like the sun
we'll continue to shine on
ever so brilliantly.

Guide the dreamer (25/6/2011)

Now in the dark
those little stars
shall be her lamp
her guide

The dreamer's little clouds of dreams
they each long for a place
in that vast blue sky

Little stars
guide them
guide her little ones
to their places
where they should have been
all along-

Don't clog
the poor dreamer's brimming head
and her aching, yearning heart

Soothe her
little stars
make her sleep
and create
more beautiful dreams

be her lamp
be her guide
be her lamp
be her guide...

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Question (4/1/2011)

All the pain that one gets
all the tears that one sheds
fear, turbulences, storms arise
is it worth it?
Is it worth it?

Little doses of joy
shots of ecstacy that make you fly
and fly and fly
seems like it's worth it-
yeah, seems like it does.

The heart stirs
the stomach churns
the soul burns
in agony, mirth and sorrow

Is it worth it?


Out of reach, out of sight (4/1/2011)

Looking from afar
your silhouette becomes clear
and then you emerged
from the dark

Searching for a smile
pinned it right on
and then came the sun
of the world

Oh I tried to catch it
to have a taste of the warmth
feel your smile on my fingers
and hear you say hello

But as soon as it came
the next thing it went
you're now out of reach
out of sight

When will you
emerge from my darkness
transforming my life
to light?

When will the sun
start rising from the west
just to warm a little heart
over there?

Oh I tried to catch it
to have a taste of the warmth
feel your smile on my fingers
and hear you say hello

But as soon as it came
the next thing it went
you're now out of reach
out of sight.

No One Loves You Like I Do (22/11/2010)

If you could peek at my diary,
overhear intimate conversations with friends,
you would realise that no one loves you like I do.

If you could feel love rumbling in the piano chords,
lsten to this song especially for you,
you would realise that no one loves you like I do.

If you could see scrawls of hearts all over my papers,
feel the warmth of the heart's that beating in me,
you would realise that no one loves you like I do.

If you would realise that no one loves you like I do,
you would have then realised that you should have
known this all along.
No one loves you like I do.
No one,no one, could ever love you like I do...

Zephyr (20/7/2010)

White and pastel blue
streaked across the sky
with rays of sunshine leaking

Air was warm and tasty
with fresh rain and nature and-
oh what's that I feel?

Bare feet brushed against the delicate grass
they shuffled, left and returned to the ground
with my hands stretched out
I was ready to embrace

Then the little gust of air rushed towards me
my zephyr; my gentle wind
twirled my hair, tickled my cheeks
cooled my skin, encircled my being
warmed my heart

It then quickly unwrapped from me
ran off to bask in sunshine
and beauty of the day ahead;
it followed the song of freedom sung by the birds

I smiled and just looked on
not knowing if the zephyr will return again
But well
I kept its scent in my heart anyway.

Dreams (6/1/2010)

I'm living my days in a blur
as colour rushes by
and time ticks away.

I'm living my days in a blur
where sun and rain
comes and goes like the occasional breeze.

I'm living my days in a blur
as music after music
spiral into my ears
and gets all lost in my dreamy head.

I'm living these days in a blur
hoping that someday
will come soon-
where life resumes its footing.

But isn't it better to live in dreamy days
where freedom comes in sheer abundance
and time exists in another dimension?
Why want to wake up from a dream-like reality?

Because
if life was a dream
dreams cannot take flight
as they lie dormant in the veils of blurry mist

And we would be
as someone said:
"a broken-winged bird that cannot fly"...

纯真的恋情

This is my one and only chinese poem to date. It was for a class assignment in secondary 4 and for some funny reason, it got published in my school's yearly compilation of essays and poems titled 中华绿原:第十七期 (year 2008). There were some edits by the teacher though.

踏进这陌生的环境
坐在椅子上东张西望。
我看到了你,
可爱的笑容。

不知不觉我被你吸引,
年幼的心灵开始跳动。
忘不掉你的面容,
一段纯真的恋情。

你望向了我,
我们就此手牵着手,
一同走过了童年的岁月。
但我明了,
我们迟早要各东奔西。

但我永远不会忘怀,
这段最纯真,最稚气的恋情。

We were dancing... (3/12/2009)

I met your eyes for the first time
and there came the friendly, warm smile.
You stretched out your hand courteously,
and I placed mine on yours.
With a little clenching, our hands pulsated simple warmth-
warmth that brightens the otherwise dull landscape of a lazy afternoon.

Admidst dance steps, I tilted my head
to catch a glimpse of a piece of past
I saw him, holding another girl's hand.
I caught an image or two in my mind
and try to find what lies behind.

With every move, every touch
I laughed and soaked in our little warmth,
but everytime I looked around
I expected him to take my heart by the storm.

But, the past being the past,
I could reach no more, feel no more.
With a shrug, I turned back to you, saw your eyes,
and continued dancing till the music dies.

Burnt stars (11/4/2009)

They once shone with strength and vigour
radiating light and hope to little worlds out there
oh they shine so brightly
you never think they wouldn't last.

Where rings of fire danced around them
they began to encircle and engulf them
they were momentarily blinded
screaming with all their might against the darkness

Their cores were torn
the life force diminishing by the seconds
the once steady balls of fire started to flicker
and die in their own flames

Little worlds were worlds away from them
so they could not hear the cries of anguish
echoing, echoing...

Oh they shine so brightly
you never think they wouldn't last.

White turns blue
turns to red
to orange
into the black
and wisps of smoke swirl around them.

Their innards all fragmented
floating in a sea of nothingness
they break down from light to dark
to nothing

Oh they shine so brightly
you just never think they wouldn't last.

I used to crave to hold your heart (7/2/2009)

I used to crave to hold your heart
wanting to dance with it in the moonlight
longing to hug it with me to bed.

I used to crave to hold your heart
itching to talk to it
knowing it would probably understand what I have to say.

I used to crave to hold your heart
to press it against my cheeks
to let me know it's still beating.

I used to crave to hold your heart
but alas I crave no more
peace reigns once more.

Extremities (19/1/2009)

Have you ever felt so much pain
that you feel numb?
Have you ever felt so confused,
that you become clear about one thing:
that you're just confused?
How about sitting on a seat for so long
that it becomes natural like standing?
or listening to so much dronings
that it becomes dissonant music in your ears?

Have you ever felt so surrounded,
that you just feel empty?
What about feeling nothing at all,
until it becomes your everything?
Losing so much that you're positive it's the only thing you've ever gained,
cherishing something that is no longer there?
And we take thsoe that are here with us for granted.

Life never seems normal

Endless rain of pain (17/1/2009)

I opened the windows
lettng life gush towards me
only to realise that
an endless rain was pouring.

I sat and waited for the sun
for every drop pelted on my skin
crashed right into my flesh, bones and heart-
and it hurted.

The rain grew lighter, then heavier
but never once did it stop
even when the harsh sunlight
evaporates them all into thin air.

I took a glass jar
collecting the drops as they flew past the windows
letting them coagulate with another
and become one.

The liquid turned black with an overwhelming stagnance.

"We, the endless rain of pain, hate containment, boundaries and most of all, ourselves", one raindrop echoed as it smashed into a wall.

"Don't resist and try to hide us away. It'll do you no good to let us stay in you for too long," another raindrop whispered as it kissed my cheeks.

"Let us flow free, for both of us will only feel pain if we stay together and not move. Our purpose of flowing into you is to flow out into another vicinity, another body, another soul." The fat raindrop spoke as it slid down the window.

And so, I welcomed the rain with open arms
letting them flow, freeze and burn up inside me
for I know it's a flow I cannot resist;
the only flow which keeps me free from pain

For pain only comes when we choose to contain it
not letting it escape through our veins and mind
and surround our very being with a blackness
known as darkness.

The rain of pain is endless,
but let it flow free with you
and you'll be suffering
but boundlessly liberated as well.

My canvas feels (16/1/2009)

You come in like a surge of warmth
across the vast blank of my canvas
telling it this is light
when there is only darkness.

You begin to ravage my canvas
bleeding all over it
scarring across nothing
making it loase its everything.

For a while I thought it was abstract art;
that scars were poignant touches of beautiful strokes
to imperfect the otherwise perfect body
in order to make it perfect.

And then tears of my canvas begin to cascade
drowning you with misery
winning for your sympathy-
and you come in like a surge of warmth.

You start boiling into its pores with your searing heat
ripping open the very heart of my canvas
making it scream for nothing;
for everything in the world just to get anything
(anything, anything that will stop this pain.)

My canvas tears and splits
and starts falling to the ground
I hold them in my hands
not knowing what to do next.

You left from your own surge of warmth.

Burning guitars, frozen heart. (11/1/2009)

There was a man with a frozen heart
whose heart can't feel and move an inch.
He walked past a road
and saw an abandoned guitar there.
"Perhaps this could thaw me!" he said
and attempted to exclaim, without much success.
He lit up a matchstick and set fire on the guitar,
watching it being licked passionately by the raging flames.
He sat near the guitar, hoping to feel its warmth, passion, anguish.

The heart was still frozen.

A girl suddenly ran towards the guitar with a pail of water
and chased the flames away.
Charred, scalding and reeking of carbon,
she hugged it to her chest tightly
as tears rolled down her cheeks and dripped like wet paint onto the guitar.
Without a word, she began strumming onto the three intact strings of the guitar.
Vibrations began to encase the man's heart, pulsating it.
Feelings sezied him, and lo and behold,
his heart was no longer frozen.

The approaching yesterday (7/10/2008)

once upon the time
they owned the skies
they ruled the world
and they could fly
fast forward
and they were thrown off
the hearts go crash
bang
shatter

the thousand million pieces all left on the floor
the shards piercing,writhing and embedding
tears fall,blood drained,feet ice
and she had to pick them all up

every drop,every cut,every graze
the pain it takes to piece them back
and everytime his breath came near
he blew them all away

chose to walk a different road
in order not to let them collide once more

but fate works like friction
opposing their way of motion and thoughts

and she had to fight
fight to give up
fight to stay on
fight to be a winner
fight to be defeated

she could not see the soul behind the windows
she could not hear his voice,his heartbeat
but she could see the shadow that accompanied him
everytime they walked past

the shadow of the past he wants to hold on
the shadow of the past that he doesnt want to see
the shadow that he hopes to get rid of
the shadow that makes him who he is

and she
sees the sillhouette in the shape of him
the sillhouette they used to share in the rain
under the umbrella
the affection
the warmth
the tender loving care

as yesterday approaches once more
the burning flame repressed for so long
burns with rage
passion
pain

she is contemplating
if she should just
throw

them

all

away...

One Day (Mar/Apr 2008)

One day, my patience will run out,
the seams burst, blood spills, hurt flowing.

One day, my smile will wear off,
the face tainted, the eyes blurred, the ears deaf.

One day, I'll muster courage and strength,
to tell you that I am ready; I am, to let you go.

One day, I'll say goodbye,
memories flood, love comes,love goes, never returns-
I say goodbye.

Where's the sun? (march 2008)

You were once my sun, but now you're just a moon-
a sun blocked by a large piece of rock,
so cold, so hostile.

The rays seem tempted to shine on the whole moon,
but the coldness and harshness of life only allows for
an eclipse to happen; the light is there, but not the warmth.

I am waiting for the moon to orbit away from the sun forever.

I want my sunshine back, no matter how hot it may be.

Love's present (12/11/2007)

The day I set my eyes on you
I thought it was impending doom
for past experiences had taught me
what a shame it was to fall in love.
I took the risk,I took the plunge
even though I feared inside
that once again,I would be hurt
and dreams would shatter like a broken glass.

When you smiled and looked at me,
my head went spinning,my heart racing
when you opened your mouth to say hello,
I was cool outside but bursting inside.
In my mind theres only you;
your words,your actions,your face;just you.
My life started soaring to the skies above,
but was this going to last,
or would it vanish at the word of "no"?

And then one day you took my hand
and off we went,hand in hand.
That is when I began to believe,
that love would regain its pride once more.
I prayed upon the star each night,
wishing you were really mine.
and then one sunny afternoon,
I got the answer I need to know.

I only understood what ecstacy was;
I had forgotten what hurt was,what lies were.
now I know what love is,
even though we're fourteen.
It may be temporary or forever,
but when in love we shall be oblivious
to the world and the adults,
who have seen too much of life.
After all,can an innocent love at fourteen
be forgotten as compared to a one-night-stand at twenty?

You werent my past,
you may not be my future,
but you're love's present to me,
and I shall love you now,my present,
for as long as our love can withstand.

I love you.

BOREDOM (12/4/2006)

Flipping through pages of text
spinning our pencils
highlighting notes
hearing the monotonous tone.
Staring into empty space
our eyes fixed on the ceiling
our minds go blank
as we sleep in the day.
Unwritten pieces of paper
laid on the table
shoving it away
we sigh and sigh-
Cause that's what we do
as we survive through lessons
day after day...
that's the boredom we share.

Love all tangled up (11/4/2006)

Untying the knots is a chore
in search for a simple answer
no scissors, no breaking-
just the mind-wrenching souls
to untie them slowly,
one by one.

What unravels behind each tangle
is a something you'll never expect.
That's why love all tangled up
only the smashes the glass into fragmented pieces
and tears the whole to tattered cloth.

Memories (11/4/2006)

Reminisce,
my dear friends
the times we shared
the things we enjoyed.

Days flew like birds-
once gone, never turn back.
Once in a while
The fossils are just remains
of unspoken memories.

They will never be replaced.

Childhood (end 2005)

Twelve years of innocence
joy, fun and laughter
were all yesteryears
flown far far away.
You hear the echoes,
you see the shadows,
you feel the atmosphere,
you touch the memories.
Near yet far;
Familiar yet unfamiliar;
we know it's gone
but let's carry on.

Beautiful Illusions (21/6/2005)

I saw you
looking into my eyes
endearingly.
My heart skipped a beat
when you moved a step
closer.
My world became full of spring
when you enter my
world.
The happiness was indescribable
until I found out that it was just
beautiful illusions.
You melted and froze my heart
I succumbed to you time and
again.
Your magic felt so real
yet so fake.

Please set my mind free
of your tragic spells.

Snow is... (20/6/2005)

White and frosty
in abundance
adds flavour
in the barren lawn

Not a soul out there
not a leaf out there
all there was left
was the white snow
and myself

Tears streamed down my cheeks
but the snow comforted my heart
wiping the sorrow from my face
a warm feeling was felt

Snow is...
a comforting object during winter